Rituals of Banishment
There are many simple ceremonial ways to “release” thoughts or memories that can be traumatic. Some of them can be done with children, offering them a tangible way to let go of their own pain. My girls and I performed this simple ritual on New Year’s Eve 2017, to say goodbye to the year in which their father died and start the New Year with hope.
Before you begin: This ritual involves the use of flash paper* and fire, so it’s important to carefully read the safety note at the bottom.
Goodbye to 2017
2017, you were a year that contained a lot of love and meaning. We have beautiful, tender memories of times shared as a family; memories of love, laughter and joy, before and even after we lost Baba. But you also brought us deep pain and suffering. We are ready to say goodbye forever to the pain and to hold onto all that is good. We want the beautiful memories to remain and the ones of suffering, pain and loss to leave.
Each person receives as many small pieces of flash paper* as they need and writes down everything they want to leave behind, be rid of, forget or banish. A few examples I recall:
Images of Daddy sick, Fear of the unknown, Crying myself to sleep, People invading our house, Memories of pain, Sadness, Feeling weird at school, Helplessness, Elephant on my chest, Being afraid, Big hole in my heart, Bad memories, Missing Daddy every day, Skinny Daddy (“I liked my chubby Daddy”) Mad this happened, Guilty that I missed something…
Light a candle with these words:
We light this candle in memory of Peter/Baba
We light this candle for love that never dies.
We love him and we know he wouldn’t want us to suffer
We are suffering. We have been suffering. We don’t want to suffer any more.
We want to be released from all that has been so hard, painful and difficult
We want to put it all behind us and say goodbye to it all
So we can go forward with just Love in our hearts
When we think of Baba.
Into the fire we put…
People read out what they have written, or keep it private as they wish.
Papers are released into the fire. When the ritual is over, all the “banished” memories will be gone but the candle of love will still remain lit.
Love is what remains
We free ourselves from all we have released
We remember health, strength, fun,
Joy, good times, laughter,
and above all, Love.
If those memories return,
We send them back to the fire
They will become weaker
As we become stronger
Love is what remains.
Love is what we remember.
Love is all there is.
*Safety Note: This ritual was designed to be used with flash paper. Flash paper is available in magic shops, some stationary stores or art supply stores or online.
DO NOT use regular paper unless your intent is to release your memories into a campfire or a fire burning safely in a fireplace. Regular paper will NOT work with a simple candle. You will have slow burning, fire and ash and miss the “magic” banishing effect.
Flash paper “disappears” magically in a flash when held to a flame, producing little heat and no ash. For many years we used it in an annual “Fire Communion” service on New Year’s Eve where congregants could write down what they wanted to release or leave behind in the previous year. (In our Unitarian Universalist tradition, we light a “flaming chalice” which is perfect because it historically was a cup or chalice – so “take this cup from me” is appropriate – but it evolved over time to feature a candle or flame in the centre.)
Flash paper arrives carefully packaged and wet and should be stored in the fridge before being dried out before use. Please read all the safety instructions thoroughly before beginning. I have used it safely for years but of course, it is quite flammable! As with all fire, hair and clothes tied back and no chemicals nearby. Used properly, it has quite a magic effect as it seemingly disappears right before your eyes.
Using small pieces (one inch by two inches, large enough to write on but small enough to flash very quickly) is recommended. Buy a small ‘pad’ and cut it into even smaller pieces.
Place your candle inside a wide, fireproof container like a large ceramic bowl or dish. There should be no ash but it’s always best to have something underneath just in case.
Make sure there is no draught/draft as you don’t want the flash paper flying up and away!
If you feel unsure, try lighting a few small pieces in a metal sink or on a metallic pie plate beforehand. Hold them with metal tongs if it helps you feel more secure. Have one person hold them and another strike the match. You will see how quickly they disappear and how little fire or heat is produced.
With a little practice you will become confident in working with flash paper and might use it for other “Rituals of Banishment” that life might require!
Good luck and if you come up with your own rituals, please feel free to share them in case they may help others. We are all on a journey toward health, happiness and wholeness – no matter what life sends our way.
Blessings to you and those you love!
