Integration

In previous eras of learning in the helping professions, we were taught about ‘closure’ in the grief process, as if somehow, once you have done the work of healing, you close the door on a sad chapter in your life, never to feel that way again. 

We now know better – that this is not the way that grief works. Grieving is an active, ongoing process that encompasses every aspect of our lives. Eventually, psychology and spiritual care caught up and now, we learn about integration instead of closure. 

For grief and loss, like love and memory, are always with us. They dwell side-by-side in our hearts as we slowly build a life of joy and meaning surrounding our sorrow. You’re beginning to integrate loss into living when you’re no longer overwhelmed but are able to hold two seemingly disparate truths together, one in each hand – the deep pain of loss and the continued joy of being alive. 

Integration means that you are healing but not yet fully healed, able to understand the ways your life has changed forever and also able to imagine further into the future. Integrating your grief into your life honours what you have had and makes way for what is to come. 

There is no way to avoid suffering in this lifetime. If you love, you will know pain. It’s how you learn to bear them side-by-side that makes all the difference.