“Don’t change anything in the first year!” How many times have we all heard that well-worn, well-meaning piece of advice? And in some ways, it’s true. When you lose someone you love, in a very real sense, you’re in shock. It feels as if the very foundation of your world has been shaken and nothing…
As a minister, I have been in the presence of death and bereavement more than many. And over the years I have had many different people share with me their feelings about a “sign” or connection from their loved one after they have died. A mysterious feather that floated into their hand, a rainbow that…
One of the keenest, most painful parts of being widowed is the sensation of feeling alone and lonely, often after a lifetime of companionship. Of course, each person’s journey is different; some may have never lived on their own, moving from their parents’ home to their spouse’s, others may have had a rich and lengthy…
In my experience, the first ‘era’ in losing someone (it doesn’t have to be a year, it could be much more or a lot less) is all about experiencing and ultimately surviving the raw emotions of grief. Although we can make decisions and often have to think clearly about our lives and show up for…
Every one of us is unique, and yet, through some miracle of fate or chance, connection or chemistry, if we are very lucky, we find that complementary soul who makes us feel loved simply by their presence. The best way I can describe it is like the moment Dorothy wakes up in Oz after black…
One of Peter’s and my favourite movies is the Christopher Guest ensemble piece “Best in Show.” (I highly recommend watching it if you’re in need of some ‘laughter therapy!’) We especially loved the May/December couple played by Jennifer Coolidge as the much younger sexy, blonde wife of her octogenarian husband played by Patrick Cranshaw. Her…
In the mid 1960s, psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe studied the correlationbetween stressful life events and illness on 5000 subjects and published their results as the“Social Readjustment Rating Scale,’ better known today as the Holmes – Rahe Stress Scale.In their questionnaire, subjects were asked to indicate which, if any of 43 ‘stressful’ lifeevents they…
A year to the day that my husband died, Willie Nelson released a new album called ‘Last Man Standing.’ Coming up on 89 years old, Willie is credited with making light of his longevity by saying this about climate change; “I think youngsters need to start thinking about what kind of world they’re going to…
Losing someone you love vaults you headfirst into the unknown. Yes, we understand intellectually that we are mortal beings, that no-one lives forever, that if we open our hearts to love we make ourselves vulnerable to loss. Yet there is an existential crisis at the heart of every experience of death when we suddenly realize…
I was astonished after my husband died to discover how incredibly fragile I was and how many different forms that fragility could take. Of course, I was often close to tears and my grief was an overwhelming constant, daily presence. But I was also: confused and indecisive exhausted – physically, mentally and spiritually over-sensitive…